This is how it all began!
Dear Diary, did I make the wrong choice by choosing to build my career first before motherhood?
Hi ladies, my name is Diana, and this is my story.
As a young lady in her 20s, I was so carefree and had planned out my life; married before 25, senior manager at 28, and kids at 30 when the money starts rolling in. This dream shattered when at 27, I didn’t even have a relationship. I hid behind work and thought about changing the environment that’s when I won a scholarship for my master’s program in Canada. This happened to be the first meaningful change in my life.
Canada was fun despite the strenuous work, I met people and went sightseeing but had no solid relationship. Until my internship, that was where I met Oke. Oke was a client whom I dread at first, he was so firm and demanding that I begged to be taken off his job, I mean, how can this Nigerian come to another country and be intimidating his own? It was to my amazement that at the end of my internship, he gave me a great review and threw a party for me, demanding my MD give me a work visa and retain me. I was so happy about his review that I accepted his dinner invite, which was the start of our 5 years love story.
6 months into our relationship, Oke popped the question and I happily agreed. It took another 2 years before we decided to travel to Nigeria to have our wedding with our family and temporarily relocate back to our country. It was another significant period for me and at first such a happy one. I had the man of my dreams, back in my home country and have an excellent job. We had agreed that I needed to be well grounded in my job here in Nigeria before we started a family, I didn’t mind that I was fast approaching my mid-30s until my in-laws and mom started poking at the fact that we still haven’t given them grandchildren. At first, Oke made a case for me, telling them he supports my decision to have children when I was ready. My mother-in-law, especially, used to frown at that, bringing up my age as an issue, complaining my biological clock was ticking and I needed to act fast. I didn’t let that bother me but continued building my career, which was going so fine!
It was such a wonderful time, having a partner that support my decision because most Nigerian men, hardly support their wives especially when building their careers. My mom for instance, gave up her dream of becoming a teacher as my Dad told her she needed to sit at home and have her babies before pursuing her career by the time she had me, she was well in her 30s and did not bother about a career anymore as her mates had gone so far. My story was a flip to hers but had its bad side. I noticed that due to my absorbent in my work, my husband had found a new interest and was hanging out a lot with friends and was no longer looking forward to hanging out with me. This started a bounty of arguments and strain in my marriage. I needed to think of how to mend it fast.
Being a solutions provider, I sat and thought about what could be causing all these rifts in my marriage and I found out the missing link, and that was joy of a child as babies always bring families together – a new generation of joy! So, I decided to announce the news of my readiness to be a mom. I picked Saturday evening as my choicest day as Oke usually returns from playing golf early to prepare for hangouts later that night. As he went into the shower, I quickly placed a card on the bed next to his clothes, inviting him to dinner, and then with the help of rose petals, I made a trail up to our rooftop where I had a candlelight dinner waiting, as I sat in a see-through lovely red dress that accentuated my curves.
To my delight, he appeared on the rooftop, dressed, and ready to go out but was intrigued by my display. He was so anxious to know what good news I had for him as he reminded me that this was a ritual I usually performed back in Canada when I had good news. That statement took me aback cause it showed I had stopped all the romantic stuff I used to do before we got married, oh how marriage can make one so relaxed. I didn’t tell him the news though, I ensured we finished dinner, his favorite beans soup and bread with chicken wings. As we had wine, I gave him a card which lit up his eyes and he asked… ‘Are you for real, are you ready for a baby?’ I nodded as he jumped over and gave me a big kiss, picking me up and taking me straight to consummate the good news. I was so happy. Little did I know that it would be for a fleeting second.
Luv
Dee
