Life doesn’t always prepare us for the turmoil and travails that comes with being an older mom nor the myriad of emotions that engulf our daily lives, you’d have to find your balance as you go.
When I decided to begin my journey into older motherhood, I thought I was prepared, having done a lot of research, heard the experiences of other older mothers, I thought I was ready to take the bull by the horn, you’d think because you are older, with more experience in life, you’d be most prepared for this tasking phase of your life, but nothing could have ever prepared me for the effect that being an older mother would have on my emotional and mental health. There were days I literally crumbled, yearning for respite.
I discovered we face a variety of mental and emotional health challenges that can greatly impact our mental health negatively if not addressed timeously. Some of the key challenges that older moms may face include:
- Increased anxiety: Because my pregnancy was termed ‘Geriatric’, I became overly anxious, this led to an increased anxiety due to concerns about my ability to conceive a healthy baby, carry a healthy pregnancy to term, and cope with the demands of motherhood.
- Social isolation: older moms may feel socially isolated if their peers have already gone through the stages of motherhood or if they have already established their own social circles. There were times I craved the company of my friends, just us ‘girls’ getaway, but I had a baby at home to nurture.
- Guilt and regret: Some older moms may experience guilt and regret if they feel that they missed out on the opportunity to have children earlier in life, or if they feel that they are not able to give their children the same level of energy and attention as younger moms.
- Physical and mental exhaustion: older moms may find it more physically and mentally challenging to keep up with the demands of caring for a young child, especially if they are also juggling other responsibilities such as work and caring for aging parents. There were days I craved for sleep, I took for granted the many nights I could sleep at will and on my own time. Now I know how precious an hour of uninterrupted sleep can be.
- Health concerns: older moms may have a higher risk of pregnancy complications such as gestational diabetes, hypertension, and pre-eclampsia, as well as a higher risk of postpartum depression.
- Disruption Of Your Otherwise Organized Life: Once upon a time you lived by your schedules, you kept to your routines, never missed a to-do on your ‘To-do list’, never showed up late for a meeting, kept to your strict diet, had the time to exercise and keep your doctor’s appointments. But all that changes, now you are late for almost everything, you even feel strange in your own body, because you hardly have time to exercise or adhere to your strict diet. I went from 68kg to 84kg in less than 4 months after having my baby.
All these are the recipe for a mental health decline, if not nipped in the bud. As older moms, we already are experiencing hormonal change which leads to a lot of wellness issue and can cause depression, so it is important we understand our body is changing, embrace it and find a way to keep healthy and fit.
To manage it, exercise regularly, conduct meditation exercises, be positive – I like affirmations as it gets me through the day, try it! We need to accept and understand that we cannot do it all, so don’t blame yourself for anything, just take it a day at a time and if you can, visit a therapist to help you out. It also does a lot of good to belong to a non-judgement community like ours.
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