It took me a lot to understand that motherhood is truly bliss.
I stared blankly at the doctor, my mind racing to comprehend the weight of his words. “You have to be more careful now when you conceive,” he had said. The pregnancy loss had shattered my dreams of becoming a mother, and the added concern about my age made the situation even more overwhelming. As I left the doctors office that day, I felt worse than ever.
I had to see my doctor at least once a month to check my vitals and every time I did, he had a distressing statement to give. If only he knew how his words made me feel!
I needed to understand what I was going through so I went online and googled ‘older motherhood’ and I saw enough resources that could have helped me keep my first pregnancy. At least this was a glimpse of hope as I followed every tip and advice to the latter. I started exercising 3 times a week for an hour each, and when I did not, I went for long walks. The walks were more fun as my bestie and hubby usually tagged along, and they made a great chat companinon.
About 6 months after, the pain came back. Not just cause I kept seeing my period month after month but because my mother and mother in-law also kept tabs on my period and called every month to find out if it came or not. This was so disheartening as they kept giving me advice that made me feel I was at fault for not being able to get pregnant. One day, I screamed at my mom and cut the call on my in-law and stopped picking their calls, with a threat that if they should come to my house, I would set my dogs on them. This led to a long dispute between Oke and I, which led me into a long bout of depression.
One morning, Faith came to see me and encouraged me to get out of bed and take a walk with her. During our walk, she told me about a white garment church and how they can help me get pregnant. I looked at my friend and for once it dawned on me how desperate I must look to people. I told her thank you, I will think about it but I did not because I know it is not something I could tell Oke, Oke was from a staunch catholic family and it took a lot to marry me, a Pentecostan, so I was not going to toll that lane with him. Instead, I encouraged him to follow me to see our doctor to find out what we could do to get pregnant. He was happy that I was thinking about a solution instead of being downcast all the time. If only he knew!
Our doctor felt we were approaching other options too soon. He wanted us to wait at least a year before we try again, but we told him 9 months was as good as a year and with that, he gave us a number of specialists to look up and decide which we would go with so he could send a recommendation. Checking these specialist was fun for me because it was hope smiling at me. We looked at their success stories and their approach to their stories then decided on Doctor Peterson. Dr Peterson seemed friendly and family oriented while the others where clinical in their approach. Plus, we found out a neighbour had successfully conceived through his practise; testimonials sure does do the trick.
It was such an exciting day when our appointment day finally came. We were more delighted when the specialist, Doctor Peterson, told us my eggs were good and we are both ok to start the IVF treatment.
It sure was a happy day for us, one that was soon cut short.
Luv
Dee
