Mom guilt: why beat yourself over common grounds when you can improve on it
Mom guilt comes in various forms but there are some common traits that we all experience especially as older moms: The feeling that we might look too old at their PTAs can keep some of us away from those special moments when our kids want us around; The thought that we might be overdressed when taking them to school or seem not caring when we send the maids to pick them up from school. All these can make us feel like bad moms.
However, there are some very personal mom guilt’s that disturbs us often and we can’t seem to get it off our chest:
I don’t spend enough time with my kids
All moms feel this guilt whether they are a stay at home mom or a working mom. You long to spend more time with your kids, but life happens and no one else is going to do all your chores for you so snap out of this guilt.
Studies have shown that the quality of the time spent with your kids is what matters not the duration of time spent with them.
So when you have a few minutes or hours to spend with them, make it count. I always tell friends to cut their children hair or make it themselves as these are bonding times. I remember sitting with my mom and learning how to stitch clothes or fix a loose button.
So focus on making the best of the time you have with your kids, always.
I don’t like to play with my kids
It’s no sin if that is not your forte as different parents connect with their kids in different ways. I love to dance and jump around with my toddler, yes, I love being silly, blowing whistles with him, taking turns and all. Even when I was younger, with my first son, I usually play football with him and then we jump up and down, dancing and singing to a song.
When he grew older, we played board games, puzzles and arm wrestling. We both love to dance so the dancing continued.
We also bonded over bedtime stories, homework time and reading time. Sometimes we just lay on the bed and talk till we sleep off.
As older moms, play is not one of our biggest past time and as such, we might find it funny when the kids want us to play with them however, these are the things that we do as older moms that keeps us forever young.
However, whatever way you choose to spend time with your kids spend it well even if it’s over chocolate and ice cream on the kitchen table. Just do you cause that is all you’ve got. Don’t try to be like other moms, or younger moms, your child loves you the way you are if you don’t believe me, ask them.
PS: The key is to find what both of you enjoy doing together and do more of that.
I lose my temper easily with the kids
Trust me, you are NOT alone in this. You are not the only one who loses their temper from time to time with their kids. First off, we are humans and part of being human is having emotions, even some strong ones like anger.
Especially when you are an older mom who has things organized and have planned your day, distractions from the children can be unbearable and you will just lash out especially when you have energetic kids who like to play and fight a lot lol.
You might even be an emotional mom who gets easily emotional, so you yell more, you love more, you cry more.
You feel all of it more.
Research has shown that just because you lose your temper, it doesn’t mean you’re hurting your child. The most important thing to do is to apologize and repair after you yell. If you think it is becoming too consistent and your kids are complaining then you need to attend an anger management class especially if you notice you are becoming violent.
All moms lose their temper from time to time, so it’s okay. Just ensure you take time out to breathe, try meditating and yoga then you will be fine and you will yell less.
I think I am too strict/lenient
Babies do not come with a manual you know so stop beating yourself over how you handle your kids. We are all doing our best, taking tips from what we have learnt from family, friends and society, trying to figure out how to parent our kids well.
Like everything in the world, kids too change so yes, you will have days you won’t understand why they are doing what they are doing and you need to be stern with them and other days when you will think you have them figured out and you will be lenient with them.
Sometimes you will give up even lol, happens to us all. This’s just one of the big reasons why parenting is so darn hard!
Yes, a good parenting book can help you, but don’t forget that what kids need, more than anything, is unconditional love and a few boundaries.
Just try to do the best you can, cause that matters a lot.
Research says that the most important thing a child needs to be resilient is one person who loves them and pushes them to do better. I guess we are that one person and if they are lucky, their Fathers too will be there for them.
All in all, just keep up the good work trying to be a good parent; keep reading, learning and loving. Learn some new parenting techniques as your kids’ change but always remember to love them and let them know you do love them.
Trust me, you will raise strong healthy kids who will love you too.